What's the Difference?

So having stated that I'm not bipolar, I was prompted to do a little research. I love the internet, I truly do. Everything is just right there! Knowledge and entertainment, dense and moist and chewy and frankly indistinguishable from each other. Nom.

Is it obvious I'm writing at lunchtime again?

I don't know what it's like to be bipolar, so I needed to ask the internet and then compile the difference between BPD (referred to herein as "me" for ease of use) and bipolar disorder. Both are, on the surface, characterized by emotional disturbance and fluctuation. I understand there are variations within a bipolar diagnosis, but my waters are muddy enough. These are generalizations, and my only "authority" here is my experience as a crazy person.

Holy thesis paper, Batman.


 Mood Fluctuation: The differences here are in range and duration. A lot of people on earth experience ups and downs, but for a bipolar person, they aren't hills and valleys. They're chasms and cliffs and you reside in one or the other for weeks or months at a time. For me, the moods fluctuate along a different axis: anger and anxiety. Additionally, they're whiplash fast, from a couple of minutes to a few hours. Sometimes a bad episode will last an entire evening. Personally, when I am able to form the thought "This can't last," it brings no relief. After all, I'm just going to be some other shade of messed up in a little while.

Impulsive Behavior: I said that on the surface bipolar and borderline both appear as mood disturbances, but it's important to remember that being borderline is all about instability, not just of mood but of perception, identity and behavior. At some points, a bipolar person in a manic stage will engage in self-destructive behaviors; these stem from feelings of god-like invulnerability, according to the internet. When someone like me is being self-destructive or self-harming, it's an attempt to stop pain. You read that right. Imagine your brain screaming at you so loudly that you will damage your body to stop hearing it. Can you wrap a sane mind around that thought?

Remission: Whoa. New to me! Bipolar disorder can go into remission? I should research things more often. Remission isn't something I can expect. Once BPD manifests, it's with you for life with little reprieve. (Some lessening of symptoms may be experienced with age or wisdom.) I get frustrated with the crap shilled to people, especially online. I found several websites touting their "cures," which included such tactics as "developing maturity" and "re-parenting oneself" and "accepting responsibility." What the hell? I keep expecting to find mention of Jesus' love in there.

Triggers: I has them. Bipolar mood changes seem to happen regardless of circumstances and without any definite triggering factor. Not so for me. Any event -- a stray word, a look I can't interpret, an irritating noise or a flash of memory -- can send me spinning.

Remember, this is all for my own education and this is an amalgam of superficial information gleaned from the internet and not intended to be useful to anyone but me. There. Is my ass covered?

I'm gonna go make some brownies.