Summary

You have a disease for which there is no cure.
There is no truly effective treatment for your disease.
There will be constant pain for which there is no salve.
No one will see your pain; it will be in your head and your heart.
Emptiness will swallow you every day.
Rage will tear at you every day.
Grief will cripple you every day.
Fear will stalk you every day.
Loneliness will erase you every day.
You will not learn who you are; you will be someone different every day. Sometimes every hour.
You will not know what you want for the same reason.
Nothing satisfies for very long. Nothing stops the pain for very long.
You will hurt the people that try to love you. You will drive them away.
You cannot trust anyone, least of all yourself. Least of all, yourself.
You will hate, intensely and passionately, the source of your pain: again, your own twisted self.
It will never stop.

Believe in me. I have good reason to go on living.


(Disclaimer: I've been writing more entries "for later," so please don't take anything you read here as a reflection of current mood or circumstances. Please don't call me, all freaked out that I'm going to swallow a bottle of pills. You should know better; I can't even take a vitamin without barfing.)